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I'm one of Jon's 50 writers
Dec. 15th, 2008 05:17 pmI shall from now on call it the Stewart Vacation Rule: every time TDS and TCR go on break, something incredibly hilarious or at least especially asinine and able to be hysterically sent up by Jon and Stephen happens within 72 hours. This is practically a natural law at this point and here’s just some more proof.
In related news, due to staring wide-eyed into the longest time period sans new Jon/Stephen episodes since the Writers Strike, and being unsure as to whether or not The Bugle will be taking an equally long hiatus, I feel I must fill the void in my tiny, insignificant way by writing a single polished TDS or TCR joke a day for every day the show would normally air(read: four times a week for the next three weeks). It’ll be like a Daily/Report advent calendar. This is my challenge to stave off a few minutes of boredom here and there over my own vacation.
So, I give you the first of what will be a total of 12 jokes that may or may not make you pine evermore for 11:00 p.m. on 5th January. How sweet of Jon and Stephen to come back with new episodes on my birthday! How’d they know?
This is Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger!
First off, a tip of the hat to President Bush. This weekend, during a surprise farewell trip to Iraq to visit his best buddy al-Maliki, he deftly dodged two shoes thrown at him by an irate Iraqi reporter. And it’s no surprise the President evaded those shoes like Neo in The Matrix. He’s had eight hard-working years of practice for dodging things during press conferences.
And now a wag of my finger to the Oscars. Recently, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, or NAMBLA… (Pause for adorable grin) Jon gave me permission to borrow that one… The Academy has announced that their new host for this year’s self-congratulating Hollywood circle jerk will be Australian stage and screen star Hugh Jackman.
This is just another sign of the terrible immigrant problem we have in this country, folks. Too many high-ranking American jobs are being snatched from the hands of real Americans. Up until now, People’s Sexiest Man Alive position has been filled by the very capable pectorals of Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey, and Oscar hosting duties were performed by all-American African-Americans, Lesbian-Americans, and Jewish-Americans. How dare this Down Under dingo swoop in and steal the Oscar stage with his gyrating hips, fancy clothes and Tony-Award-winning pipes. That’s my job! So go ahead and sing and dance your way across the stage at the Kodak Theater, Wolverine. You just better hope Magneto doesn’t show up!
In related news, due to staring wide-eyed into the longest time period sans new Jon/Stephen episodes since the Writers Strike, and being unsure as to whether or not The Bugle will be taking an equally long hiatus, I feel I must fill the void in my tiny, insignificant way by writing a single polished TDS or TCR joke a day for every day the show would normally air(read: four times a week for the next three weeks). It’ll be like a Daily/Report advent calendar. This is my challenge to stave off a few minutes of boredom here and there over my own vacation.
So, I give you the first of what will be a total of 12 jokes that may or may not make you pine evermore for 11:00 p.m. on 5th January. How sweet of Jon and Stephen to come back with new episodes on my birthday! How’d they know?
This is Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger!
First off, a tip of the hat to President Bush. This weekend, during a surprise farewell trip to Iraq to visit his best buddy al-Maliki, he deftly dodged two shoes thrown at him by an irate Iraqi reporter. And it’s no surprise the President evaded those shoes like Neo in The Matrix. He’s had eight hard-working years of practice for dodging things during press conferences.
And now a wag of my finger to the Oscars. Recently, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, or NAMBLA… (Pause for adorable grin) Jon gave me permission to borrow that one… The Academy has announced that their new host for this year’s self-congratulating Hollywood circle jerk will be Australian stage and screen star Hugh Jackman.
This is just another sign of the terrible immigrant problem we have in this country, folks. Too many high-ranking American jobs are being snatched from the hands of real Americans. Up until now, People’s Sexiest Man Alive position has been filled by the very capable pectorals of Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey, and Oscar hosting duties were performed by all-American African-Americans, Lesbian-Americans, and Jewish-Americans. How dare this Down Under dingo swoop in and steal the Oscar stage with his gyrating hips, fancy clothes and Tony-Award-winning pipes. That’s my job! So go ahead and sing and dance your way across the stage at the Kodak Theater, Wolverine. You just better hope Magneto doesn’t show up!
